Broken Behind the Mask
by Twitchy02
Summary: What would happen if you'd never told the one you love how you fell about them? How does Duo deal with it when Heero, the one he loves, gets ingaged to Relena? Can he mend his broken heart and soul? Will anyone else even notice Duo's pain before it's too
1. Chapter 1

Title and Autor: look above.  
Pairings:1x, 3x4 5xSally for now...  
Warning: Duo angst  
Notes: this chapter is not very angsty but the chapters after will be.

**After flashbacks please reread what happened just before so you know whats going on! **

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----------Chapter 1----------**

Duo Maxwell got up that morning at 6am to the sound of his annoying alarm clock, just like any other day. He then, after dragging himself out of bed, started the coffee machine and had a shower while waiting for the coffee, just like any other day. He had his coffee and combed and braided his hair, just like any other day. He got into his work clothes (a comfortable red shirt and slightly formal black pants) for his not-quite-boring-but-almost job at Zellers, where he worked to as a salesperson, just like any other day. And throughout his eight-hour shift he sold a ton of stuff, cheered a bunch of people up, apologized to his boss for being late, again, and smiled the entire time, just like any other day. And just like any other day the minute he got into his car his smiling mask disappeared with a long sigh.

As hard as he worked everyday to cheer people up and make them forget their problems, he was never really cheerful or happy anymore himself, and the reason for all his miseries never left his mind for a minute. He wondered if he would have been better off working with him at the preventors, but he knew that it would only hurt more, seeing his love every day and knowing it would never work, he would never see love directed at him from those cold, emotionless Prussian blue eyes…and he would have to hide his own emotions, something he wasn't even sure he, Shinigami, could do all the time. That's right, Duo Maxwell fell head over heels in love with HeeroYuy, even if he kept it well-hidden deep down inside during the war and whenever he was around other people, which wasn't a lot anymore.

All of the gundam pilots separated a few days after the war for personal reasons, Quatre had to work out giving Winner Inc. over to his sisters (as he explained it, "I can't stand meetings with those stuck-up, selfish, greedy excuses for human beings that call themselves 'gentlemen'!"), Trowa had to go see Catherine and make sure the circus was ok, Wufei was going to go help Sally with something (he refused to tell us what) and Heero went to deal with some 'loose ends' as he put it. Duo was going to help Hilde out with getting back on her feet. After that he'd settled in and got a job and an apartment on the other side of the colony. It was just over a year since the gundam pilots separation but they still called each other every once in awhile to make sure they were all ok and to just talk.

Duo got to his apartment and, still not smiling, he changed into his normal shirt and loose pants, both being, oh course, black. He had just gone over and had just stretched out on the couch when the vid-phone rang. Cursing, he dragged himself over to it and sat down, flicking the switch to answer the call. To his great surprise it was the prefect soldier who showed up on the screen wearing a 'normal' looking smile (Duo had never seen him smile unless he was about to cause someone he didn't like a HUGE amount of pain but this was…different, now he looked, almost…happy…).

"Duo!" He greeted, "how are you?" without waiting for an answer and sounding really excited he plowed on. "Guess what happened yesterday?"

"What?" Duo asked, finally getting over his shock at Heero's amount and speed of talking.

"I'm engaged!" He declared happily. Duo stomach twisted and his breath caught in his throat at Heero's words. "I proposed to her last night and she said yes!" I dazed expression covered Heero's face as he sighed happily, failing to notice Duo go pale and look horrified before quickly covering it up with his perfect mask of a smile.

"Great Heero, that's wonderful, I'm really happy for you." _Not a lie, I am happy that you've found someone special to spend your life with, I just wish that someone had been me…_

"We're going to get married here in Sanq and I'd really like you to be my best man Duo, will you?" He asked, actually waiting for an answer this time.

"Sure Heero, anything for a friend." _Especially you,_ _I'd do anything if you asked me too, I thought you might have realized that by now…_

-FLASHBACK-

Duo had been literally bouncing off the walls of his and Heero's room in the safe house they were staying at and loudly humming The Entertainer while Heero sat at his laptop, speed typing …

"Duo, what are you doing?" Heero asked eventually.

"Humming, why?" He replied smirking as he continued even louder.

There were a few minutes of silence before Heero decided he couldn't concentrate enough on his mission report with an energetic Duo bouncing around.

"Duo, be quiet and go cut your braid off somewhere before I do." He said sarcastically, knowing that would shut him up. As he expected Duo left the room silently and he was left feeling slightly guilty for his empty threat. He'd overreacted but with all these mission reports to finish he'd been a bit edgy lately.

After closing the door quietly after himself Duo made his way slowly and silently downstairs. He was almost to the point of tears at what he was about to do when he picked up the scissors and sat stiffly on the edge of the couch. He held his braid firmly in one hand and raised the scissors to the very top of it. He almost dropped the scissors when he heard Quatre walk through the doorway from the hall and gasp, dropping the folder he was carrying and starring at Duo in shock. In a flash Quatre had practically flown over to Duo and snatched the scissors from his trembling hands. Snapping out of his daze, Duo jumped up and tried to take back the scissors, Quatre, realizing Duo wasn't giving up on what he was planning to do clutched the scissors to his chest and sprinted up the stairs towards Duo and Heero's bedroom, deciding Heero would be the most likely to be able to talk Duo out of his sudden urge to cut off his precious braid.

"HEERO! QUICK, HELP! DUO'S TRING TO CUT OFF HIS BRAID!" he yelled while scrambling up the stairs, Duo still running after him.

"WHAT?" yelled back a very confused Heero, positive he'd heard wrong.

Quatre barged into the room and reached, out handing Heero the scissors before trying to catch his breath. That was when Heero noticed a silent Duo breathing heavily and looking ashamed of himself in the doorway.

"What's going on?" He demanded.

"I walked into the living room on my way to the kitchen and Duo was sitting on the couch looking close to tears and about to cut his braid off with the scissors!" Quatre said quickly, still breathing heavily after his run.

An even more confused and shocked look covered Heero's face as he starred into Duo's eyes before his shock dissolved into anger at Duo's actions.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING DUO?" He demanded, glaring daggers at Duo.

"I was doing what you told me to." He answered quietly, still looking down as though he'd done something horribly wrong.

That was when Heero remembered his empty threat, but surly Duo wouldn't…_" Duo, be quiet and go cut your braid off somewhere before I do."_

"Duo! You can't seriously have expected me to mean that, can you? I wasn't serious at all! How could you think I would want to cut off your braid, I know how much it means to you! And even if I had ment it why the hell would you obey!"

He had stood there silently while Heero had demanded an explanation for his obedience but eventually gave up as Duo had been silent the entire two hours of his interrogation and when he did speak it was only when Heero specifically told him to and he had answered with very few words.

-END FLASHBACK-

"Great, I'll send you the details in a few minutes but right now there are a few more people to tell so see you soon." And the screen turned blank again. Duo's mask fell and shattered into pieces. He sat there for hours, staring at his hands and trying to process the meaning of what Heero had just said.

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** PLEASE REVIEW!**

This is one of my first fanfics so please give me your opinions! Hearing that their are people acctually reading this will keep me writing!


	2. Chapter 2

Title and Author: look above.  
Pairings: 1xR, 3x4 5xSally for now...  
Warning: Duo angst…for now  
Notes: I'm sorry this chapter is so short! I'm going to try to make the next chapter MUCH longer.

**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**Wolf Runner**, thanks a lot! I really appreciate your support!

**Elliott's girl**, I agree, poor little Duo…

**Kira May Maxwell**,I'm sorry about what's going to happen with the wedding part but its essential to the story. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to make it a happy ending for Duo and Heero but I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the review!

**Anahka**, thanks a lot for the tip, I was going on what Duo thought the other people in the flashback were feeling but I didn't pay a lot of attention to making that clear. I don't think Duo is going to get over Heero in this fic but I'm not sure. I really appreciate your thoughts on it!

**----------Chapter 2----------**

One week later…

Duo Maxwell sat on his couch, staring at his hands again, still not really seeing them. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks tearstreeked, he knew boys didn't cry but it didn't really matter to him anymore. Nothing mattered to him after that one call, he now, not only had one reason left to live, but it would be gone in barely a week. He had his last mission, he would act as they thought he would, he'd play their jester one last time. As little as it would matter to him when he left sanq, he didn't want anyone to feel obligated to act like they cared about him. A few days after the party he'd take his leave, he'd take the shuttle back to L4, collect the rest of his stuff, sell his apartment and leave on another shuttle to some colony somewhere else. He'd told the people at work he'd be staying on Earth and quit his job, no one he knew would find out he'd gone even if they wanted to…Well, Heero probably could, but he'd never even notice I left in the first place let alone care to find out where I ended up. If they ever figure out I'm leaving I bet they'd through a party.'

Finally snapping out of his trance-like state at the sound of his laptop beeping, he remembered Heero said he'd send him the details. Picking himself up he walked over and sat down in front of his laptop, opening his email, and there it was, just as he'd expected, the only thing in his inbox.

'CLICK'

June 6, AC 197

Duo,

Here are the details:

Even: The joining of Heero Yuy and Relena Peacecraft in holy matrimony.

Place: Peacecraft castle, Sanq Kingdom.

Date: June 25 AC 197.

Time: 1:00 pm, there will be a reception held in the Great Hall afterwards.

You, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei are invited to stay with us in Peacecraft castle from whenever you arrive to whenever you have to leave after the celebration. See you soon,

-Heero

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

Again thanks to all of you who have already reviewed on the last chapter! Please continue to tell me how you think I can improve my writing and make it better! Hearing what you think does inspire me to write more!


	3. Chapter 3

Title and Author: look above.  
Pairings: 1xR, 3x4 5xSally for now...  
Warning: Duo angst  
Notes: This chapter has point of view changes

Sorry for the delay with this chapter but summer was really busy!

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**----------Chapter 1----------**

-Duo's P.O.V.-

Here I stand in the huge driveway before the main entrance of Peacecraft Castle, 18 stressful days, one over-priced shuttle and an uneventful cab ride after receiving the email. I had waited until the very last day possible to come and I still wish I could have wormed my way out of attending at all. It's almost three now and dinner will be later so hopefully I won't have to be seen before that. I can just ask the butler to show me to where I will be staying and take my sweet time 'putting my things away'.

Things went as planned, I got to the door and the really nice butler showed me to my room where I proceeded to put my things away. A.K.A., I opened a drawer in one of the dressers and threw my duffel bag into it.

Pulling out a book I began to read. Three hours later a butler came and knocked on my door.

"Dinner will be served in the dinning room in a few minutes," the person reported.

"Thank you." I replied, groaning when he walked away, I couldn't remember the last time I was hungry _'I think it was before the call'_ and now I'll probably be expected to eat a feast!

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-Duo's P.O.V.-

I stood in the doorway to the dinning room, Quatre and Trowa were the only ones there, sitting next to each other whispering. I made a little more noise then I had to walking over to the seat across the table from them, sitting down sloppily and stretching out with a fake yawn.

"Duo! Where were you? Jim(1) said you got here at three!" Inquired Quatre, frowning.

"I was putting my stuff away! I've collected quite a bit of useful junk over the years, thank you very much." I told Him with mock annoyance. "And I just…fell asleep halfway through…" _'I did! I put my bag in a drawer and fell asleep for a few minutes while reading and when I woke up I closed the drawer.'_

Quatre burst out laughing while Trowa just smiled at me, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

* * *

-Heero's P.O.V.-

I watched silently from the doorway. Duo hadn't changed much at all, still laughing and joking around, lightening everybody's spirits…

He smirks.

'There's something off with him, his smiles used to always have such a big effect on me, they'd make me feel warm inside and make me want to smile too…but there's something missing now…I'm being stupid, I just got over that little…what do you call it…crush? I told myself a year ago when I turned my back on him and went to my place at Relena's side that it was nothing, a strong friendship, that I would get over it and fall in love with Relena, and I've done both… right?

_This is insane, I'll just go in there and have dinner and then I can spend the rest of the night alone with Relena.' I _suppressed a shudder._ 'That was not because I hate spending time with Relena, that was not because I hate spending time with Relena, that was not- oh hell, I'm getting married to Relena in two days and I'm pretty sure I don't love her…yet. But I **will** learn to!" _I sighed,_ 'to late to go back now, besides, I'm probably just nervous about the wedding, yeah, that's it, nervous._

_Well, I'd better get in there.'

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_

-Normal P.O.V.-_  
_

Heero walked through the door into the room, nodding to Quatre and Trowa before turning to look at Duo, who seemed oblivious to his presence.

"Duo." He greeted with a nod.

Duo looked over, discreetly avoiding Heero's eyes, worried that his own might give something away. "Hey Heero! How's the fish?"

"I don't have a fish, Duo," He told him, frowning.

"Then I'll have to get you one!" Duo said with a huge grin. Heero smirked, rolling his eyes, and walked over, sitting down the head of the table as Wufei walked in. He glanced around, spotted Duo and looked him up and down before asking, "What kept you?" with a raised an eyebrow.

"Work, we were really busy and my boss just wouldn't let me go, I already take too much vacation time as is." Duo replied, shaking his head sadly and tasting the first bitter lie of his life.

Wufei rolled his eyes, "Why am I not surprised?" and sat down at the end of the table.

"So, who's up for a little Duck, Duck, Goose till the food comes?" asked Duo, bouncing in his seat.

"I'll play." Giggled Quatre.

Trowa nodded in acceptance.

"Wufei, Heero?" asked Duo, pouting adorably and batting his eyelashes.

"Alright." Hero said, with a challenging tone, looking Duo in the eye only to be disappointed as Duo, and everyone else at the table, were looking over at Wufei.

Wufei glared at them. "Fine." He said grudgingly.

"YAY!" Cheered Duo, "I'll start." He said before getting up and tapping Heero on the head declaring, "DUCK!" and proceeding to the other side of the table. He skipped, impersonating little red riding hood, around to Trowa, and attempted to swat him over the head but he ducked so Duo just tapped him lightly when he came back up and pronounced him another duck. Quatre was next and looking like a nervous little five-year-old and adorably innocent one at the same time. Tapping Quatre very lightly on the top of his head, he shouted, "GOOSE!" and began running around the table. Quatre, having been ready was up just after him and shot around in the other direction. Alas, Duo beat him around the table and practically dove into Quatre's chair before promptly going limp and breathing heavily. Quatre pouted and walked up to Duo, poking him. Duo's eyes shot open and he glared up at Quatre. "Hey! I was having a really cool dream Quat! You were there and so were Heero, T-bone and Fei Fei!"

"MAXWELL!"

"Yeah, Wu?" he asked innocently.

"My name is WUFEI!" he growled.

"…sorry Wufei…you know I didn't mean it…" he apologized. The others stared at him, debating weather or not he was joking around.

"Duo, are you feeling alright?" asked Quatre, worryingly when Duo kept staring as if transfixed at the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired," he yawned, _'perfect opportunity to get away from dinner.'_ " I've been having trouble sleeping I'm so excited about this. I think I'll retire for now, but never fear I'll be back for a midnight snack!"

"Alright, if you need help finding anything, you know where our room is." Offered Quatre.

"Looking to join me in my midnight raid of Fortress Fridge are we?" he asked jokingly. Quatre burst out laughing. "I trust you will be able to hold the fort during my absence, oh great Wufei?"

Heero and Trowa snickered while Quatre chuckled.

"Of course Lord Duo, long live the king!" Wufei joked back dryly.

"Sweet dreams!" and with a final flourishing bow, he departed for the stairs. Smiling mask still firmly in place.

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**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**The New Shinigami Hikari, **don't worry, Duo's not going to cut off his braid but I'm sorry to say that Relena will not be killed off...yet.

**Kira May Maxwel, **thanks for understanding.**  
**

**Shinigami Soldier, **thanks for the complements, I hope it stays interesting or you, sorry if this chapter was a little slow though. Thanks for the tip too!**  
**

**sataness-ov-desire, **true.**  
**

**DancingMistress, **thank you!**  
**

**Mnlight Requiem, **it might, you'll see!**  
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**Crysania Fay,** I know but I was leaving that day for camp, sorry!**  
**

**duos-deathscythe, **yes, master.**  
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**Kimpatsu no Hoseki, **you'll see...nice pick of questions!**  
**

**tenkage onna, **I'll try!**  
**

**forever-FFN, **thank you!

PLEASE NOTE: If you gave two reviews I only responded to the first to make things clearer.**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Title and Author: look above.  
Pairings: 1xR, 3x4 5xSally for now...  
Warning: Duo angst

Hi again! I'm sorry! That took SOOOO long! You can thank **wind dancer1981** for getting me to keep going and update. Hope you like it! Enjoy!

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**---------- Chapter 4 ----------**

Heero swirled the liquid in his glass as he and Relena sat in one of the many living rooms in Peacecraft Castle.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Doing what Heero?" Relena asked ideally, a dreamy look that she'd been wearing since shortly after they sat down still prominent in her expression.

"Getting married."

"Of course Heero, why wouldn't we be wed? How else can we be happy?" she asked with a smile.

"Well…what if we aren't meant to be?" he persisted.

"Your being silly, we were made for each other Heero." She told him firmly.

"But-"

Suddenly coming out of her dreamy state she looked at him skeptically and snapped "Who else would we be meant for?"

Silence filled the room.

"I thought so. You're just going though a nervous pre-marrige stage. You're worrying about the danger of us being together. But I'm willing to take the risks, besides, you'll always be there to protect me now." Relena concluded, going back to her dreamy state.

Heero sighed.

-Duo's P.O.V.-

I walk quickly towards my room. I don't want to be seen, though I've kept a small bounce in my step just in case I am. I can't think about it, not yet because I know if I do I'll never make it to my room. I can't think of him, and I can't think about her, and I defiantly can't think about that smile.

I come to my room, it's not that far off. I get inside and collapse face up onto the bed. Then I finally let the tears come. I can feel then leaving hot, wet trails as they go. He was happy. It was easy to see it, clear as day. He had a smile I'd been trying to get out of him since I first laid eyes on him yet never could. Scientists have wondered and studied for years why humans are the only creatures on Earth that cry for emotional reasons. They should have been busy trying to heal the broken heart though because gosh, is it painful. I feel as though I'm being ripped to shreds from the inside out.

-Normal P.O.V.-

What felt like hours later Duo finally got up, rubbing his wet eyes and face and walking towards the room's bathroom. Turning on the water he looked at himself in the mirror. What was left now? Now that Heero was moving on? Perhaps he should find a way too? Surely there was a way to heal a broken heart? There had to be. And as soon as he was far away from here he would find it. But for now, no more tears, no more feelings, just numb, 'cause numb means safe. If he was numb, he would be able to smile as the world crumbled around him. If he was numb he wouldn't have to care.

After washing away all traces of the tears he walked back towards his bed. Pausing just before it he turned to the drawer he'd stuck his duffle bag in and pulled it open. After digging around in the bag for a moment he found a bottle of pills and pulled it out, looking at the label in the dim moonlight coming through the blinds. Popping the cap open he carefully tipped the bottle over and dumped one into his hand. He closed the lid and downed the pill before walking over to the bed. He usually only had them on nights when memories he didn't want to remember were really bothering him but tonight, he knew he wouldn't be getting a single bit of sleep without one. They were high dosage sleeping pills that would put him into a deep, restful and usually dreamless sleep till morning.

He fell asleep a couple of minutes after laying down.

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Thanks for the reviews! 

**Shini, Spunky the Hamster, foxy-comic-death, spark of life, ffpanda, Redroseprincess678, Ameki-Elisa: **Thanks a lot for all the reviews, I'm so sorry I kept you waiting!

**zee:** I'll try.

**Akito-kun:** Yes, there will be a happy yaoi style ending (if I get there). I'm not sure yet if Relena will die in this but don't count on it. Maybe I'll do a side fic of Relena's death. We'll see.

**Oli:** I plan to finish it soon, now that I'm back on track. I hope you like the rest!

**wind dancer1981:** Thank you, you got me back on track and I probably would not have continued were it not for your review.

Merry Christmas everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Title and Author: look above.  
Pairings: 1xR, 3x4 5xSally for now...  
Warning: Duo angst, cutting and drugs (the drugs aren't that bad and don't play a major role)**

**I'm sorry, most of you probably don't have any idea what's happening in this story right now and will have to look back quite a bit to figure it out because it's been so long since my last update. Also, I would like you to know that some of the precious little time I have for my science fair project was used to bring you this chapter.**

**Note that I didn't make much effort to make the POVs very obvious so you'll just have to bare with it.  
**

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**---------- Chapter 5 ----------**

"What's wrong love?" Asked Trowa the boy beside him, noticing the blond's distress.

"The wedding." Quatre sighed miserably.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think Heero's ready for this. I'm not even sure if Heero really does love Relena." He said, shaking his head. "When we got here, Heero seemed worried about something and asked if we'd heard from Duo, I haven't seen him much with Relena and he's annoyed every time she tries to act like they're a couple. When Duo got here, Heero was relieved at first, but then he quickly became confused, overwhelmed and in love. I didn't feel love from him till he saw Duo though, then, with Relena, the feeling left. The feeling should have grown with Relena beside him, not disappeared." Quatre rushed out.

"So you think Heero loves Duo, not Relena?" Trowa summed up.

"Yes." Quatre sighed warily, "I think Heero has even since the war but he never realized it."

"But what about Duo? Does Duo love him back?"

"I'm not sure. Ever since he got here I haven't felt anything from him." The blond told his companion worriedly.

"Then we'll have to pay attention to the way he acts for now." Trowa reasoned.

"Ok." Agreed Quatre slowly.

* * *

_There I was, standing with the sun beating down on me, staring around at the grassy clearing in front of me. Everything is so beautiful and peaceful here. I love the way the sun sprinkles the plants on the forest floor with light, the way the trees create places where you could just lay, without having to think or feel or care._

_Then, out of the trees surrounding the clearing came into view, a person with wild, untamed chocolate brown locks falling into his beautiful Prussian blue eyes shining with an emotion I had only seen there once before, when he gave me the news that is turning my world upside-down…_

_The forest around us burst into flame and the sky swirled with dark black and grey clouds, I look back at Heero who is no longer smiling, the cold emotionless mask was back. _

_He looked at me, his eyes piercing into my soul, my very being. He turns and begins walking towards the burning flames surrounding the clearing._

"_WAIT, HEERO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I NEED YOU!" I yell, running forward and grabbing his arm, he reacts immediately and spins on the spot, punching me in the jaw and sending me sprawling to the ground, he looks down at me with disgust clearly written in his expression._

"_I don't know you, you filthy street rat! Go now! Nobody wants you here! NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU SO STOP FORCING EVERYONE TO CARE!"  
_

* * *

Duo shot up with a jolt, shaking and soaked in cold sweat. It looked so real. Heero looked so real.

Looking over at the clock on his bedside table he noted the time and got up numbly, grabbing his bag as he walked into the bathroom.

Putting the bag down on the counter he fumbled to open it with shaking fingers. Pushing around the bag's contents he eventually found it and pulled it out, leaning against the opposite wall and sliding down as his legs gave out.

Pulling off the cover he barely looked at the razor in hand before bringing it down on his wrist and making a shallow cut across.

Why did he have to love Heero? Why couldn't he just get over it? Why?!

_Slash._

And why the fuck did he have to be there to see this? Why did he have to watch as all chance of him ever being with the one he loved was torn to pieces?

_Slash._

How could he have ever believed Heero could feel anything for him, let alone love? He should never have so much as spoke to Heero! But then that wouldn't even have mattered, just seeing Heero had been enough to cause him to fall.

God, why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he have come up with an excuse not to be there?

Duo jumped slightly at the clatter the razor that he slipped from his numb fingers made. Looking down he cursed to see his cut covered arm, blood covering most of his forearm and creating a small puddle on the floor. Pulling his shirt off he pressed it to his arm and got up, walking back to the counter and ruffling through his bag again. He pulled out the bandages and sighed, walking over the bathtub and doing his best over it to wipe most of the blood off with his shirt.

After tightly wrapping his still bleeding arm up in bandages he walked back over to the puddle of blood on the floor, trying to mop as much as possible up with the shirt.

He sighed as he realized he was shaking due to the blood loss.

He hadn't given in to cutting since just after Solo had died. Sister Helen had discovered the scars later on and used some weird stingy goop to somehow rid him of them. He'd promised never to resort to that ever again. He seemed to be breaking a lot of his own promises lately.

When he'd finished cleaning off the bathroom he threw the blood-soaked shirt and towel he'd used in the garbage, making a mental note to hide them in the morning.

Putting away his razor carefully he sighed and walked back over to the bed, collapsing onto it, his head in the pillows as images of the streets, the church and a pair of captivating blue eyes flashed through his mind.

* * *

Heero shifted yet again. There was this feeling, like there was something important he was forgetting to do.

But what?

Looking over at the clock he noticed it was almost time to get up. Sighing he got up and walked into the bathroom, fully intending to mull over his feeling under the relaxing spray of water.

* * *

**Hey, it's longer than the last one! Thanks for the reviews, THEY DO HELP! I would abandon this thing if there were no reviews. However as it is I'll probably just rewrite most of it 'cause I don't like it. I will finish writing before rewriting it though.**

**winddancer1981:** I'm sorry, I will try to finish this soon.

**realdarkangel:** Duo won't be getting a haircut in this one. For sure.

**Dragonborncrystal:** I'll try...and hopefully succeed.

**faulted:** ...opps? Summer is coming up really soon so I should be able to get quite a bit more done then.

**anf600:** I'm sorry! I feel so bad! I hope this makes you feel at least a little bit better.

**SparkofLife:** THANK YOU!!! That's great advice that I'm really trying to put to use in this and other stories. I can see what you mean so thanks SO much for pointing it out!


	6. Chapter 6

Title and Author: look above. 

Pairings: 1xR, 3x4, 5xSally for now...

Warning: Duo angst, bad language and drugs (I think that covers it...)

Sweet, only about two months this time!...Not that that's very good anyways...oh well...

* * *

Quatre walked purposely through the huge castle, a firm and determined look stuck to his lips. 

Eventually he reached his destination and promptly rapped on the door. "Come on, Duo. It's morning! The guys are going to go out for breakfast in a couple minutes before we have to get ready for the ceremony!"

A couple minutes later, without sound from inside the room Quatre knocked again. "Come on, Duo! Get up now or I'm going to come in there and drag you out! We're hungry!"

------

Duo woke with a start as Quatre called in and quietly cursed as he remembered what he'd done. The blood had almost gotten completely through the bandages and if Quatre found him like this he'd be so screwed.

"Coming Quat!" he called hastily, but it was too late, Quatre had already opened the door and taken a step in. The blond gasped sharply "Duo!"

He cringed at the hurt and confused tone in the other ex-pilot's voice. Of all of the people to find him like this, Quatre would be the worst. He would be too concerned and wouldn't leave it alone.

"It-It's not what it….damn it Quat, I hadn't wanted you to see this." He said, his mind racing as a possible lie was fine-tuned.

"What then Duo? Why the bandages?" the blond asked with a strangled tone.

"I was on a mission." The braided boy explained. "Me and Une had a deal. I went to work for Preventors but never told anyone. She would tell me if they had a mission that couldn't be cleared up easily by Preventors if they followed the law. There were no mission records or anything. That's why I didn't show up earlier…"

_Bravo, Maxwell, I'd have to say that's probably one of the best covers you've ever done._

_Then why don't I feel like I just did something well._

_You will. As soon as you can get away from here because of it._

The blond sighed. "I see."

"Please don't tell anyone, Quatre. I don't think the others would understand." The violet eyed boy pleaded.

"Alright Duo, I won't tell." The blond promised uneasily. "I'll go down. Meet us in the foyer when you're ready, okay?"

The braided boy nodded and the blond left the room.

Duo sighed and began to clean up and prepare to face the world again. If the blood loss was anything to go by he'd need to take one of the pills he'd not-so-legally picked up to make up for his lack of enthusiasm.

------

Heero finally got away from Relena, who had wanted them to have a special 'moment', whatever that meant, before the 'big day'. Honestly, why did she put so much importance on it? It's not like it really changed anything. They'd still be and feel the same way about each other.

As he made his way through one of the hallways on his way to meet up with the others he noticed a door opening on one side of the hall. Duo stepped out, but it wasn't that that made Heero freeze. Duo looked so...weary. So tired and hopeless and almost as though he had...given up, though he wasn't sure what he'd given up on.

As Duo closed the door he sighed and suddenly his usual smile was there. When he started off down the hall Heero called out "Duo! Wait up!" and half jogged over as the braided boy turned towards him.

Duo looked back with a smile "Hey Heero. How ya feelin'? Nervous at all? This is the 'Big Day' after all."

'_Right Maxwell, that's it, just keep ranting and talking about things you don't actually give a flying fuck about. That way, there's nothing that might cause any slip-ups.'  
_

* * *

As Always, thanks a bunch to my reviewers! Hope you enjoyed the new part! **LET ME KNOW!**

**camillian:** Welcome to the club, I promise there will (eventually) be an ending to this...though the quality is going to be a questionable matter...

**Sadie Woods:** lol, I agree, character torture can be quite good for reading material, as weird as it sounds to admit...

**winddancer1981:** I know what you mean and I'm sorry I'm not more committed!

**HeartlessMia:** Well, here it is!

**RockafellaSaint: **I know, sorry about that!


	7. Chapter 7

Title and Author: look above.

Pairings: 1xR, 3x4, 5xSally for now...

Warning: Duo angst (though it's very mild in this chapter...it'll pick up in the next one though...)

Well, that was almost without a doubt my quickest update... **Enjoy!**

AND THEN **REVIEW!!!**

* * *

**----------Chapter 7----------**

They arrived at a nearby restaurant about ten minutes after leaving the mansion. The waitress was nice, a petite brunette with brown eyes, and sat them all down at a booth with menus. The restaurant itself was pretty normal, a bunch of booths and a bunch of normal tables as well. The lighting was dim but the sunlight streaming in through the windows made up for it.

"Can I get anything for you to drink?" asked the girl.

"Coffees all around?" Quatre asked, glancing at the others at the table. They nodded and the girl walked off to get the caffeinated drinks.

------

I stared down at the menu blankly for the first minute or two, savoring the feeling of the drugs kicking in. I figured I'd pretend for now that I was feeling sluggish and then bump up the enthusiasm as I got coffee. I'd had mornings like that before, as had each of the others.

I couldn't believe my luck, or lack thereof when it came to the random seating arrangement we ended up in. I was sitting right in front of Heero. With Quatre to his left and Trowa to my right. Wufei was sitting on the end of the other bench on Heero's other side.

If my lack of luck continues, they'll all have figured out at least that something is wrong with me by the end of the meal.

------

Heero glanced up subtly from behind his menu at the gorgeous brunette across from him, mentally slapping himself for using such words even in his mind.

There was something wrong with the braided pilot.

His eyes, though looking down towards the menu, weren't moving, which meant that for some reason he wasn't actually reading it. He might have brushed that much off if it weren't for the slight dilation of his pupil as well. Normally not something to worry about with such a small change, but still... Dimly a voice in the back of head made a sarcastic comment about him knowing the braided boys eyes far better than his soon-to-be-wife's.

It was bugging him. He was beginning to realize that somewhat subconsciously, he seemed to know and _remember_ more about the other pilot than was necessary, or usual. Something about the boy just drew him in and made him want to be with him… but that wasn't right. He didn't lean…..that way. And besides, even if he did, Relena and the peace were more important and it would be easier to keep and eye on her if they got married.

But then why did something in him scream that this was wrong. Why did his heart feel so heavy at the thought that sometime after the wedding the braided boy would be gone again.

Why did he feel like taking off and melting down the engagement ring on his finger every time his attention fell on it?

------

Quatre stared down at the menu hopelessly, his concentration completely stolen by the emotions surrounding him.

It was so _frustratin_g!

Trowa and Wufei were normal but the other two were impossible!

Heero was so confused and doubting and yet still so very much in love. But then there was something different about that love, something unusual that he just couldn't figure out.

Duo was even worse, his emotions were everywhere, switching so often that he could barely catch any of them. It was worrying him badly. What had put the boy in such a radical mood for the past few days?

And why hadn't any of them known about his involvement in Preventors? His reason for no one knowing made sense but it felt like there was something else the braided boy hadn't told him.

------

The waitress came back with the coffee a few minutes later and then asked if they had decided. They all nodded and ordered. Wufei had pancakes with eggs and sausage, Heero had french toast, Quatre and Trowa both ordered pancakes with eggs and bacon and Duo ordered a belgian waffle with strawberries and whipped cream.

------

As the waitress walked away Quatre decided to start off the conversation. "So did everyone have a good night?"

There were general nods around the table and then silence so Quatre continued the conversation. "If you need some help with that cut Duo let me know."

------

Duo inwardly cursed as he nodded "I'll let you know, but I don't think I will, it was just a scratch really." He wasn't supposed to remember it, let alone bring it up again! Come on! Now the others would wonder and try to find out and they would all find out and-

God, Maxwell, get a grip. Just switch the topic.

Quatre nodded "Alright."

"So Heero, picked out a cradle yet?" Duo asked, using the first thing that popped into his head, inwardly cursing again as he said it.

------

Heero looked up in shock at hearing Quatre's offer of help. What the heck did Duo need help with? And a cut? What cut? It'd have to be big for Quatre to think he might need help…so why didn't he know about it? And how did Duo get a cut anyway? What the hell would he do that could get him cut? Why- Wait, what?

"Hello? Earth to Heero! Common dude, are we really _that_ boring?" Duo's voice cut into his thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he apologized automatically. "What was that?"

"Duo was asking if you'd picked out a cradle yet." Quatre informed him.

"No…." he answered confusedly, had he forgotten about something you had to do before a wedding? "Should I have?"

Duo laughed lightly "Not really, I just thought that since you and Relena have been together for so long you might have made plans for that sort of thing."

Heero nodded, seeing the point. For some reason it was bothering him that Duo had asked about something like that.

"I suppose though, with Relena still so preoccupied with keeping the peace and all a child might have to wait a while longer." Noted Quatre thoughtfully.

------

Alright, so I'm subtly testing they're reactions to certain questions and leading the conversation in certain directions, I'm just worried about them!

I can feel a bit of uneasiness that's settled in with Duo since my comment about his cut and it's really reinforcing some of my guesses about their behavior. I'm still not getting very far though.

With Heero on the other hand, I can tell that children haven't even crossed his mind and I'm starting to wonder how much of him getting together with Relena is a mission to him. I realized shortly after the war that Heero was still following some sense of duty in his relationship with Relena but I'd thought it had left when love blossomed between the two but now…I don't know anymore and I'm starting to worry this isn't about love at all. But then why do I feel love from Heero too?

------

"So Duo, have _you_ found that special someone yet?" asked Wufei with the intention of getting back at him for prying about his relationship with Sally.

"Moi?" asked Duo. "Of course not. I plan to fly solo for the rest of my life. It just isn't in me to settle down with anyone."

------

Quatre almost gasped as the question was asked at the pure, raw, love mixed with so much hopelessness and hate. The thing that surprised him almost as much was the time frame he could feel it in. One moment it felt like it would consume him and the next he couldn't even find it.

What was Duo hiding? And _why?  
_

* * *

Thank you for reading and **REVIEWING**! It helps. 

Also, I'd like you to know I've vaguely mapped out the rest of the plot between this post and the last. That means pretty smooth sailing from here on out. Or in a less visual, closer to reality way that writing for me becomes easier with less revision.

As always, **thank you to my reviewers!**

**shonen ai fanatic 14:** There you go!

**Sadie Woods:** Thank you, I know they've been short but I'm trying to do more than two pages an update now so they should be at least a little longer... And sorry but the next chapter's probably going to end in a cliff

**HeartlessMia:** LOL, I plan to.

**Twisteddagger:** Yep...

**wind dancer1981:** Thank you, I hope to.


	8. Chapter 8

Title and Author: look above. 

Pairings: 1xR, 3x4, 5xSally for now...

I have the next chapter written already and it'll be posted soon but it's on the small side. That might change but I don't think so.

* * *

**----------Chapter 8----------**

The meal was repulsive from the moment I saw it. But that's the sort of thing I used to like, and the others think I like, and that's why I ordered it.

It was hard to keep at it but eventually I'd finished enough of it. It was a good cover anyways, I couldn't logically talk while trying to stuff my face. I did my best to try to look like I was rushing out of hunger or love of the food. Hopefully none of them picked up on my growing nausea.

But wait, why would they care anyways?

------

Duo was his normal self once the food came, though strangely absent the joy I remember feeling from him when we used to go out.

Heero kept glancing over at him too and he feels confused. Did he notice something?

------

Most of the meal after the food came went by in silence, most of them enjoying at least slightly the small moment of peace before the very busy day ahead of them.

They finished their meals slowly and started some idle conversation for the sake of simply having something to half-concentrate on.

After a little Duo excused himself from the table and made his way towards the restroom.

------

He just couldn't help it, his stomach felt like it was on a small ship in the middle of the ocean during a storm. Quickly giving in to it's demands he excused himself and made his way, fighting not to run, to the restroom. Once safely in the empty room he promptly emptied his stomach into the nearest toilet.

He felt slightly better then and after making sure he looked normal again he made his way back to the table.

They left shortly after that and made their way back to the mansion to prepare.

------

They arrived back at the mansion and a couple butlers promptly came over with their suits.

The pilots agreed to go get dressed in their rooms and meet back in an hour in a small living room near the foyer.

------

Duo stared at the suit he'd lain on the bed. He would wear that as he watched the man he loved marry another.

He deserved her though. He deserved better. The braided boy was simply lucky to in the other man's presence at any time.

He sighed and grabbed a roll of clean bandages. The cuts weren't healing well but enough that he only had to make sure he didn't hit against anything.

------

Heero looked again into the mirror. The suit just wasn't comfortable, no matter how much he adjusted it. Or perhaps it was just him. Was it a bit too hot in the room?

Sighing he mentally chided himself. He was being silly and getting worked up. But the questions just kept coming, washing over him, drowning him with indecision.

A knock at the door shook him from the questions plaguing his mind. He called out "it's open."

Quatre walked in, already dressed, and smiled comfortingly. "I felt some strong emotions off you and thought you might like to talk about it." he offered.

Heero nodded, cursing inside for allowing his cool to slip so badly that the blond could feel it.

"So what's got you so wound up?" Quatre asked gently after they sat down.

"I guess I'm just...second guessing myself." he admitted.

------

I hadn't expected him to admit it so readily, I wasn't sure how to take the fact that he had. "What about?" I asked, maybe if I got him to tell me what was bugging him we could both figure it out.

------

"I suppose the whole idea of this marriage. I know it's important and that it's the right thing to do but somehow I feel like I'm giving something up that I shouldn't be. I'm probably just going through a nervous phase at how much importance Relena is putting on this, it's a bit...overwhelming."

It's too easy to tell Quatre things and explain all your troubles. He's just got a gift in making people feel safe around him. I just hope he doesn't get the wrong impression, though it's never happened before.

------

"Well, what would you do if you had no responsibilities? If you could just do whatever you wanted and it wouldn't matter." the blond asked.

It was a tough question. He was always taking into account his responsibilities in every situation he was in. But what would he do? For some reason Duo's smiling face came to mind.

"I suppose I might go hang out with Duo or something. I wouldn't know what to do with myself but I'm sure he'd have an idea."

Quatre nodded, but inside he was worried. Exactly how true is that statement? Would you even associate with Relena at all? Were they even friends?

Heero laughed lightly and glanced down at his watch. "I'm being stupid and we should go now."

Quatre looked at his own watch and nodded, getting up and walking with Heero from the room.

------

At the church Heero went to have a few last minute words with the priest and the four other ex-pilots were left to sit amongst the extravagant decorations and wait.

Quatre turned to Duo, and almost gasped. For a moment, there was a flicker of something there in his eyes, something haunted that told anyone who saw that the person would rather be anywhere in the world but there. But why? It was his best friend's...

//I suppose I might hang out with Duo or something//

//So Heero, picked out a cradle yet?//

//damn it Quat, I hadn't wanted you to see this.//

//please don't tell anyone Quatre. I don't think the others would understand.//

Duo did love Heero. And Heero loves Duo. But now Heero's gone and gotten engaged and Duo, oh allah, Duo!

Turning to the braided boy he asked "Duo, can I have a word in private?"

Duo, though a flash of worry went through him, nodded and smiled one of his usual smiles "Sure thing, Quat!" and happily followed the blond into the entrance part of the church.

"Duo, why?" he asked as soon as they got there, staring his friend in the eyes. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Duo looked confused. "Whatcha talking about?"

"Why didn't you tell anyone you love him?"

Duo immediately looked away from his eyes to the side and sighed "Look, Quatre, this isn't about him or me. It's bigger than that even if he did return my feelings. Please, just don't try to solve this Quatre. Don't get involved or try to understand. It doesn't matter, the issues have been resolved."

Turning to look the blond in the eyes he went on. "Promise me you won't tell anyone and that you won't interfere with the ceremony. Promise me Quatre."

Quatre tried to understand what Duo was trying to do but he couldn't. What was Duo talking about? But then, Duo seemed to know what he was doing and he didn't know everything. And then Duo was asking him now to step aside. Perhaps he should?

He wasn't positive what made him agree and promise, but something in the braided boy's eyes had coaxed the words from him and he couldn't break a promise like that. He would do nothing.

------

Perhaps not the most accurate words, but they worked and Quatre had promised. I knew he wouldn't buy me simply saying I didn't love Heero or Heero didn't love me back. Well, he might have, but this was a safer bet, it had a higher chance of success.

* * *

Once again, thank yous to all of my reviewers, I love you guys! Cookies for all! 

** wind dancer1981:** Well this one wasn't a cliff because I decided to split up the events of this chapter and the next one but I'll go make sure the next one ends in a cliff on a sec.

**Proton7:** Thank you! I'll try...no promises though...

**shonen ai fanatic 14:** Have another cookie! It'll help!

**BleepinBleepBleep:** Here you go!

**Dragon77:** Thank you!

**twisteddagger:** Yeah, poor guy. But don't worry! There are no immediate plans for loss of sanity!


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